The Sunday Sauce

Safety in Numbers

Kate Remauro (PMHNP-BC) | Sep 13, 2026

A look at how money, independence, and psychological safety are deeply connected for women—and how understanding our relationship with financial security can help build greater trust, freedom, and agency.

Imagine this: The year is 1973, you’re rocking bell bottoms, listening to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, celebrating the end of the war and throwing up a peace sign in the passenger seat of your husband’s Monte Carlo. ✌️

:: Record Scratch ::

Husband’s Monte Carlo?

Yup, that’s right, because it would still be another year before women were able to legally open a car loan or any form of credit in their names, free from the permission or oversight of a husband or male relative.

Historically women have needed to rely on partners or family members for financial stability, neurologically wiring ‘money’ with ‘protection’.

While we’ve made undeniable strides since then, especially in terms of legal and financial rights, the echoes of that inequality still shape our relationship with money today.

Financial freedom is not just about a number in a bank account, it’s about psychological safety. It marks a line between choice and captivity.

A mortgage in your name, savings in your account, or even the ability to cover your own health care?

That’s not just independence. That’s self-preservation.

It’s a way of saying, “You can’t trap me.”

For some women, money can function as a symbolic stand-in for security in relationships providing consistency and a sense of safety.

So when financial stress hits, our nervous system may perceive it as a threat to survival.

This can trigger responses like micromanaging, avoidance, overworking, or falling into patterns of dependence.

High functioning women who were parentified as children, uber autonomous, emotional ‘fixers’ or caretakers of others are especially prone to equating safety with financial control.

And so, the spiral continues: we work harder, burn out faster, and feel even more unstable.

So What’s the Path Forward?

Financial wellness is only one pillar of overall mental health.

And while money matters, it shouldn’t be the sole determinant of safety or self-worth.

I’m not encouraging we all go full Buddha here and detach from our dear Benjamin’s, Grants and Jacksons. We can still love these fellas AND invest some of our safety into other areas of our lives.

When we diversify our sense of security beyond financial metrics, we become more stable and empowered.

So let’s give a little love to:
Internal regulation.
Self-trust.
Resilient relationships.
Flexibility.

Now, maybe you’re thinking:

“Screw it. I’ll just find myself a sugar daddy and cruise through life in a cute little Mercedes, sipping green juice between Pilates classes.”

And while that might have Susan B. Anthony rolling in her grave, let’s be clear: there’s no shame in choosing a lifestyle that works for you!

True feminism is about having the right to choose freely.

When a woman’s psychological safety is internalized and not being outsourced to another person, then choosing financial dependence can be a valid, empowered decision.

It’s not about the money.
It’s about agency.

In these healthy interdependent relationships, there’s transparency, mutual respect, shared decision-making, and most importantly, nervous systems that aren’t bracing for impact.

The foundation is trust, not control.

Financial wellness can look very different for every woman!

It’s more than bank balances and budgeting spreadsheets, it’s about reclaiming agency in a world that has historically stripped it away.

When we understand the psychological roots of our relationship to money, we can begin to unlearn the fear, shame, and scarcity that often accompany it.

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